Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
