Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
