If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize