Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
