I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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