i just had sex bonerless
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
