The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
