i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
