I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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