she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize