dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
