That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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