I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently you make a good broom.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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