i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
