I hope mine doesn't look like that
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
