Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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