I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
should my penis look like a turkey
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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