Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
