He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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