He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
