those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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