I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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