my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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