You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
