your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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