I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
