I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
