I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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