This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
