dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
