Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
