in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
