So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
