I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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