Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
