i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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