The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
