I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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