Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
