It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
