my cup is half full, half full of rum.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
