I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
