Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
