easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
