I look better un-naked...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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