he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
