I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
