I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
