I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
