I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
