u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
