Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
