in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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