Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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