I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
