OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
