I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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