Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
