I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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