I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
