Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
