Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
