Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
