I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
