Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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