Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
