her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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