I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
