who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
