yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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