I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
