I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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