you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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