I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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