You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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