There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love you. Go after that dick
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
