I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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