Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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