Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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