i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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