not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
