im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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