I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
