Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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