i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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