I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
