I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
